Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
