Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
