Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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