omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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