I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
