New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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