I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
