I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
