you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
