it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
