She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
