It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
