So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
