HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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