I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
