the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
