I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
