Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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