i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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