Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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