My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
