He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
