great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
