Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
