i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
