GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You made out with two different species that night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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