so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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