Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
