i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
