Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
