Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
