yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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