I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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