Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
