the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
