just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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