we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
