i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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