Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
