But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
