I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
