I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
