i just had sex bonerless
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
