Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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