I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
this is an emotional support booty call
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
