Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
