my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I deserve this hangover.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
