My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
