Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
