This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
