He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
