I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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