Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
