you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
