absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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