Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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