"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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