I love black thongs
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
