Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize