this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
