I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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