I showed him my bush... on skype.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i dont even know how to be here
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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