this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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