I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
