and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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