Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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