i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
