Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
