in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
