so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
