Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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