had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
