My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
